The Eve of my Rebirth
by paleMistress
Summary: Single Parter. Helga's finally ready to take down the Shrine. What made her do so? How has she changed? What happens next?P.S. ~*~I'm BACK!~*~ YaY! R&R if you please.


Hey there! Guess who's back and ready for Action?!  
:::Crowd pelts C.D. with rotten fruit for being away so long:::  
Hey! Wait! STOP THAT! We were renovation my basement! I couldn't hook up my Computer! I'M SO SORRY!...  
...:::Ahem::: Yes, well, as a sacrifice for not finishing my stories when I said they would be, I hereby offer up unto you   
all this small token of my deep and sorrowful regret (oh...that's goooooood ^_^)  
:::Bows and steps aside::: I hope you like it.  
Disclaimer- One day I shall seduce Craig into giving me whatever I desire. Until then, Hey Arnold ain't mine.  
  
~*~The Eve of my Rebirth~*~  
  
...this is not suicide...  
...this is not death...  
...this is merely change...  
  
It repeats. Over and over. Those tattered, mantras of courage. Lord knows how I came by them. Most likely the   
ramblings of an untrained mind. A mind that seems to disattach itself from me now, as my clumsy fingers carfully  
pack the last of my shrine into a large, brown cardboard box. The Shrine. My Arnold Shrine. The alter to my beloved.  
I wipe the sweat from my forehead absently, taking a moment to look form the open closet door, out the window.   
It was one of those last days of summers, the day that had dwindled away so quickly, and was now changing into an  
orange and purple sunset, the humid evening breeze wafting in through my open window, fluttering through the curtains.  
The day I had decided it was time to surrender.  
Seventeen. To think, that's how old I am. If I were to go to back to that Pink-Bowed Tomboy from my not-so-long ago  
past, the thought of being such an age would seem almost impossible to me. Yet here I stand, a woman. A woman by  
physical terms, at least. The swell of my breasts, the jutt of my ass, all my attributes are that of the femine. The kind  
of femine that the ravenous males howl for as my waist length hair sways to the one-two-three beat of my hour-glass hips   
as my long legs clip down any street.  
Yet, it was not enough. It was never enough.  
Because I knew what was at the back of my closet, I always did.  
No matter how old we got, It seems that I could not escape him. Through his years of love for Lila,then, for a time, Rhonda,  
and finally a Girl called Ehlana in our freshman year. After that, there were no more. Just a seemingly endless string of   
meaningless dates and relationships to nowhere. But in all this time, he never looked to me. But I was patient. Not kind,  
but patient. I waited for him, like a good girl. As I sullenly watched the female beside him change in form, time and time   
again, I began to see him, the boy himself, change, too. I lived and loved and lusted through him as Jock, Prep, and  
even-- for a very short period-- a glowstick-loving over-hair-gelled clubber. And I was still there, the heatbroken   
Princess in Pink, with her Knight's picture in the golden locket, sitting atop her crumbling tower, waiting for her Love to  
arrive, to rescue her from the clutches of the dark and evil powers that guide her life.  
And with all his changes over the years, what did he become? He became exactly what he once was. He couldn't give  
up on the ways that had first been taught to him, any more then he could shed his own skin. Sometimes, I think  
it's his destiny. Helping people, caring about what happens, trying to make a difference. Anyone else could ignore the  
worlds problems, and focus on thier own. But not Arnold. So he went back to the old gang and his casual Jeans and  
Casual shirts that I now saw as such a blessing compared to the Kappa* Outfits and the tight, almost femine jeans   
reserved strictly for the Ginos. Though, as he got further into helping the world, he further forgot about me.  
And even for that, I loved him all the more.  
And I believed in him. Oh, Lord, how I believed in him! How I still believe in him! How many time did he come to me,  
a cause held firmly in his mind that I agreed to fight for with him?  
Yes, he still spoke to me, when he had to. Actually, sometimes he came and sat next to me, in the library or the cafeteria,  
for no reason at all. That was when he confused me most. When he would just sit there and...look at me, words  
forming on his lips that he just couldn't seem to utter aloud, before quickly excusing himself and running off to one of his  
many meetings. And even now, my passion for him has held strong.   
But it was this year, this summer, that had been so different from all the others, for one reason.  
I had looked into the mirror.  
While attending to my shrine one day, kept impecably neat and life-like over the years, I found a hand mirror, probably  
thrown to the back of my closet a million years ago, rediscovered after it's time in suspended animation.When I had  
picked it up, I had been in a rather emotional part of my usual romantic, fanciful mooning. And when I lifted it up to  
my face, I was terrified to find what I saw, reflecting back at me.  
HER!  
There she was, her stringy blonde hair ugly and matted, fallen over her sunken features. Her hallow, ruthless blue eyes  
glaring back, undaunted, yet alone. Her mouth done into that all-to-familliar scowl. I almost expected to see that  
unibrow grow back before my eyes, along with the stick-like body.  
'No!' I remember thinking, 'I killed you!'  
And I thought I had.  
But she was still there, lurking at the back of my closet, in the deep recesses of my mind. The Young me. The tourtured,   
tormented little girl that hid in Trash cans and allyways. The girl that Doctor Bliss and I had tried so hard to appease, just  
so she could leave me in peace!  
She had been with me, all along.  
She had hidden herself inside my obsession.  
It was then that I had seen it! What was so blatenly aparent, was finally revealing itself to me before my eyes. It was my   
childish want for Arnold that had kept her alive all these years. The same breath I used to praise the boy...no, man I loved  
as a God, was the air SHE used to survive upon, day after day.  
She was living off my fixation with Arnold!  
It wasn't fair!  
It had to be stopped.  
And that way, today, I took apart my shrine, stopping only occasionally for the odd tear that would surface. It was like   
losing a home. Actually, no, it's like losing a way of life. After all, this has been second nature to me for as long as I can  
remember, how can I cope without it? Where will I be without it? What would happen when the Princess came down from  
her tower, and saw hide nor hair of her beloved knight as the stone walls of her prison came crashing down to meet her?  
I shake my head. I can't think about that, not now.  
I pick up a roll a duct tape, sealing the box forever, and haul it up into my arms. Everything is in here, except all of my   
Pink books. Those are my art, I would never destroy them. Slowly, I trudge down the stairs, biting my lip to keep  
the pent-up tears inside. When I reach the bottom, I carefully shift the full weight of the box to my left arm, opening the front  
door with my right. It's Garbage pick-up tomorrow, and I want all this gone before I wake up in the morning.  
I step outside, the evening air fragrent and deliciously sticky. The sun has almost sank, and now only the last, undying  
streaks of orange and red illuminate the sky. The night was clear, and there would be a full moon.  
My bare feet move down my walkway to the curb, where the garbage cans I had taken out early this morning still stand, filled  
with all sorts of stuff you would want to go digging through. Liqour bottle from Mirium, Junk-food bags from Bob, I   
note, with no bitterness. It's there life, let them live it as they want, just keep me out of it.  
"Helga?"  
My thoughts stop, my mind stops, the world stops. And there is only one thing I know:  
I know that voice.  
I look over my shoulder, where it had come from. Sure enough, there he was, in all his masculin glory. How had he snuck   
up like that without me knowing?!  
"Arnold?" I ask, still barly daring to believe it. It was getting rather dark, after all.  
"Yeah, it's me." he confesses, before looking me over. Suddenly, I feel very self-concious in my baggy pink sweat-shorts  
and white tank top, my hair down, my face free of any make-up, not that I ever wore much.  
"Here, you need some help?" he asks, moving closer to me and taking the box from my hands.  
"I--Uh..." He has the box! A lifetime of unwanted devotion, all directed towards him, and it's right there, in his hands!  
I feel the beads of sweat start to form on the back of my neck as he placed it next to my Trash can.  
"There." he said with a triumphiant grin, dusting off his hands had turning back to me, "So..."  
I let out a breath, realizing that, once and for all, my secret was safe, and got back to the more important task at hand.   
Talking to Arnold.  
"So..." I start. Uh oh, this isn't going well. Time for my fall-back routine.  
"What brings you to this part of the neighbourhood, Footballhead?" I quip. I'd stopped bullying him years before, but the  
jokes about his head was a thing between us that would just never die. He takes it good-naturedly, anyways.  
He chuckles nervously, "Um, Actually, I came here because..." he clears his throat, "Well, I came because.."  
He's doing it again. He just looking at me. Trying to say something, maybe hoping that I'll know what it is. This is so   
infuriating! What do you want to say, Arnold? What have you been wanting to say for such a long time?!  
"...Do you remember the speech you gave in Mr. Longo's English class?"  
I blink at him.  
Well, THAT certainly wasn't anything I would've guessed him saying to me.  
I inspected his eyes for some sort of falsehood, but all I found was the clearest, emrald forest pools.  
Slowly, I reply, "Um...speech?" Sounding utterly genius, of course! Give me a break, Pataki!  
"The one you presented at the end of the year...you know, about spritual orientation and individuality?" he says, trying to  
jog my memory.  
The description clicks, "Oh, yeah. I remember, what about it?"   
His eyes focus on the groud and his feet shift...almost nervously, before he looks up to me again,  
"Well, it was really good... your view on the topic, I'd never thought of it that way. I never thought you could be  
so in tune with such a sensitive subject."  
My eyes widen, and I have to keep my mouth clamped so as to prevent my jaw from hanging open.  
"And then it hit me...we don't really talk anymore, do we, Helga?"  
I stare at him, dumbfounded, as he takes in a breath and tried to explain,  
"...What I mean is, we talk, but it's not really talking, you know what I mean?"  
Did I?! Arnold, of course I do! No one's noticed it more then me!  
He looks at me hopefully, wanting me to say something, I'm sure. But I can't.   
You see, my voice is stuck in my chest.  
He takes the assertive, "Do you maybe wanna do that sometime...really talk?"  
He looks aside suddenly, biting his lip, "But if you're to busy or something, or don't feel like it, that's ok." he mumbles.  
My mouth falls, as I realize what he just MIGHT be doing.  
No, he couldn't be!  
He wouldn't be!  
Would he?  
I free my voice from my own nevousness and finally speak,   
"I'd like that, Arnold. It'd be cool." I say to him, almost whispering.  
He looks up at me, flaxen hair waving gently in the night's wind, "Really?" he quiries, the hit of a smile gracing his lips.  
I smile back, "Yeah, really."  
His body straightens, his eyes gleaming at me happily, "Great!...Um, what're you doing tomorrow?"  
I pause for a second, "Nothing really...I was thinking of going to the pool with Phoebe around noon." I was almost regreting having made those plans with her today when she had called!  
"Well, how about me and Gerald meet you there?" leave it to Arnold to come up with a solution, "And after that, you and  
me can go somewhere. You still like the ice cream at Slauson's?"  
I rolls my eyes and grin, "God, I haven't been there forever!"  
"You want to?"  
"Sure." I answer, willing myself to calm down.  
He nods thoughtfully, "And after that, we could go see a movie. Have you seen the new one with Ronnie Mathews in it? It's   
suppossed to be good."  
It was almost impossible to keep from jumping into his arms by now, "No, that'd be great."  
"And I know this resturant by the lake--nothing fancy, but the food's amazing. What do you think, we could make a day   
out of it!" he beams at me with his lopsidded grin euphoricly.   
I laugh, almost unable to control myself, "Sounds perfect, Arnold."  
He smiles excitedly, "Great, well then...you go and rest, because it's gonna be a long day tomorrow!"  
Quickly, he takes off, heading home, but stops mid-sprint to turn back at me and wave,  
"Bye Helga!" he calls to me, "See ya Tomorrow!"  
I wave back at him, smile stuck permenently on my face, and continue waving until he's around the corner and out  
of sight.  
I can't believe it.  
Suddenly, I'm struck with a thought.  
Maybe the knight was there all along, waiting for the princess to FIND her way out of the Tower.  
I chuckle slightly, feeling the warmth on my cheeks,  
"Well, Imagine that." I murmur into the night.  
I stride back into the house confiedently, reciting some mantras, ones I knew that were true.  
  
...this is not death...  
...this is not suicide...  
...this is more then change...  
...this is the eve of my rebirth...  
  
~*~The End~*~  
Yay! I finished. Well, I hope all you geys like it. It's a little bit shorter then all my usual single-parters... Now remember,   
I haven't been writing my HA! Stories for a long time, so   
I may be a little rusty. Just consider this a practice run before I start tackling the big ones like A Christmas Present for   
Arnold and Legends of the Norse! By the way, for those of you who didn't know, Kappa is a brand worn most by the italian 'Gino's and Gina's' It's the brand with the outlines of those two people sitting back to back.  
One more thing: Reviews? I like 'em. I like 'em a lot. Tell me if I've started to suck yet ( and I know I may because I   
haven't watched HA! in the longest time, so Arnold and Helga may be OOC)  
My conclusion: Review! Do some good in this world!  
I'll try to post more chapters of my other stories soon.  
Until then, wishin' u...  
Luv  
Life  
Luck  
n' Lafta'  
~*~CD~*~ 


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